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The current year signifies a full decade since the phrase “disappearing” entered the common lexicon. At the time, the concept that someone could instantly end communication with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the peak of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, finding a significant other has only become more confounding – an frequently pointless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly defined by social media slang.

Gen Z, a generation who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their Gen Y forerunners could ever fathom. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more bizarre, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive guide to the words gen Z is using to talk about romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your true, raw self. You'll need it with that!

B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon connected to a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's response is inquisitive or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This refers to seeking out someone who aids you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A date where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do low-cost romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes partners who choose against having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal quirks suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. Such as calling their exes crazy, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits affirm your choice to pursue a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (few things builds closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and usually everyday repulsions that immediately extinguish any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful gesture.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {